Archive for August, 2001

A Second Bite At The Apple

The future’s in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change.

Scorpions, Winds of Change

August 21. Tuesday

What are you worth? Someone seems to think they can guess, so for a giggle, try the following out and see if you agree.

What is a human worth? (This site has been taken down… at least I can’t find it any more which may be a good thing)

No need to share, but I would be interested to see exactly how they did it.

Cheap way to keep me writing, I know, but at least I am here for the second day in a row.

Actually, I am having another epiphany of sorts. You know how it is where you get into a rut of doing things that somehow, one morning, seem absolutely insane? I have that feeling about my day to day routine right now. I have not been going to the gym, my weight has gone back to where I was before I lost to go to Australia. That alone makes me angry with myself. Not only that, but my sleeping pattern is messed up as is Coley’s and that is a source of frustration for both of us. I think it is time for a change or two. It’s funny in a way that life has it’s own way of telling you to do things differently and today I am hearing that message loud and clear. They say that a change is as good as a rest and I believe that to be true, but not only that, a change is as good an opportunity to flex your individuality muscle as you will ever have. It’s time to make changes, and the source of those changes is me.

To some it may not seem like much, to say that I will go back to the gym, I will save my money, I will go to bed early and be true to my long term goals of health and activity but it is a lot harder to stick to your guns with someone else around the house. But that is the name of the game, to stay true to yourself and yet to grow with the person you are with. After all, who wants to be told who to be or to have to tell someone else what to do to make you happy? I doesn’t work that way, the pivotal point is personal responsibility for your own life. We must maintain our own individuality to ensure the strongest connection to our own psyche but also to guarantee our participation in a relationship between two individuals. I think the one thing that men are most scared of is becoming a person over whom they have no control. The notion of being controlled by someone else (purposefully or not) is the root of all men’s fears in a relationship and that is why we do some of the stupid things that we do. We are simply searching for a way to exercise control over our own life. Unfortunately, some men see the only means to that end as striking out against someone else, most likely their partner, but that is only because they are too close minded to see their own lack of development and too stupid to understand that who they are and what they do is their responsibility.

So the winds of change blow through the house this morning, the front door is open and a cool breeze is blowing the stale air from the living room. The sun is shining, burning off the moisture from the overnight rains and after another night of uncomfortable sleep and the worry that my weight is about to hurt me I am ready once again to do what I know is my easiest source of salvation. It’s time to go back to the gym before I drive both me and Nicole insane.

Consistency, why do you evade me?

Without a concrete record,
our past will forever be in doubt.

HappyBastard

Thoughts on a Sunday

June 19. Sunday.

Up all night again… This time, Coley had a BBQ that she was going to in order to hook up with her longtime friend Hayley.

This was supposed to give me a whole night to myself, to hang out with friends and take it easy. However, not even before Cole left, I got paged into the office and was there the majority of the night. By the time I had finished with the Foundation server I rushed off to see Andrew as I had promised and literally had a few minutes and headed home. So much for relaxation, so here I am, bathed in the light glow of my monitor as cheesy infomercials play. It’s truly amazing what is on TV at 4:14am on a Sunday. Again I will try to make some sense of why it is that I am holding out…. except that this time it is the truth that I have been enjoying life too much with very little to complain about. As we all know, I seem to be at my best when I am complaining and therefore the site has sadly lacked input of late. I would say the only reason I am here today is because of how mad I was having missed my night to myself.

By comparison, my life is going unusually well, so I should probably get used to forcing myself to at the very least document the major developments in my life.

I would say one of the biggest developments in the last little while is the knowledge that Andrew, the network guy at Branson has decided to leave and go to England with his wife to work. This is very sad since Andrew is a great guy and will be sorely missed by me. However, it does lend itself to certain restructuring opportunities at work, mostly affecting me and my position of lone wolf turning team leader.

Going a little further back, Coley and I went to Cuba together, some pics and a write up are in the works, but for now I must say that I had a great time, a forced break from all things technical and the chance to sleep, sleep, sleep. Coley enjoyed herself, right from getting a passport, through to the new friends she has over email since our return. The weather was outstanding, but insanely hot. It was 92 in the shade by 10am the day we arrived and each night brought an electrical light show that filled the dark evening sky with majesty as the fingers of lightening caressed the cloud covered mountains. Like I said, photos and other stuff are on the way, so keep your eyes out.

Aren't we cute

Well, it has taken me a while to write just this, so I think it is time to head back to bed, although the Hungarian Grand Prix starts in just 2.5 hrs. Bah! Sleep then. G’night.