Do not trust your memory;
it is a net full of holes;
the most beautiful prizes slip through it

The Heart’s Domain, Georges Duhamel

January 24. Thursday.

It is a commonly know fact that I have a terrible memory. It has got me into lots of trouble on more than one occasion and was the inspiration for a great deal of things I write here. The notion was that I would be able to look back on factual representations of my life rather than trying to recall fact from the depths of my apparently small and rather lazy brain. There are things however that I do remember, mostly bizarre little items that would not occur to the vast majority of people but that catch my eye and my attention and refuse to budge like a little old lady at a grocery checkout. Some of these items and events bring cascading memories with them and I will endeavour to recall a few of those times to show at the very least that this past year has held a great deal of significance for me and that the memories will remain with me always.

I remember…

That little plastic bracelet you had on the first day I met you.
You bringing me a black magic marker that first week and my believing that it was a sign.
Standing in the airport in Sydney Australia chatting with you over e-mail just dying for the 20 hour flight to be over so I could see you again.
Your new beige suit you were wearing when you came to the airport to pick me up.
Your old crappy car that had to be started twice and then left for 20 minutes to warm up before you could use it and how happy you were to get your new Grand Am GT.
Laughing about how your car would sit in the parking lot for days at a time while we came to work together and yet tried not to arrive in the department together.
The day we got busted by Bob turning up at work on Saturday together even though we weren’t supposed to tell anyone we were together.
The first time I met your Dad and talked about how interesting it was going to be in France for the wedding they were attending.
Thinking that the baby picture on your laptop was your baby, not just some kid off the Internet and being really sad that I wasn’t going to be able to go out with you.
How surprised and happy I was when you flashed up on my ICQ that first night, and how funny it was when you told me you fell off your chair (that still makes me laugh).
The pangs of jealousy and insecurity I felt when you told me that your ex-boyfriend was doing the drywall in your basement.
The little Tim Hortons sign you tore off the bag and wrote “Love…” on it. I knew it meant Love from Tim Hortons, but I wished that it had meant from you. (I still have it on my cubicle wall).
The first time that I realized that I could hear you thinking.
The first time that I realized that I was falling in love with you… Laying in bed just looking into your eyes and wondering how this was all possible out of the blue.
The time I saw that picture of you at Sauble Beach with your baggy pants and tank top and how completely taken I was with you.
The time you brought Robbin to the office to check me out and introduced her to everyone EXCEPT me!
The time you got your wisdom teeth out and were swollen and unable to open your mouth. You had that little teddybear with a Band-Aid over its mouth and looked so weak and in need of love.
Doing dancing lessons in Cuba and somehow managing to get me on stage to lipsync to the Backstreet Boys.
The first time you made me mad and my dawning realization that this relationship was worth more than my own petty ego getting bruised.
How big of a realization it was to me that no matter how hard we both tried, we just couldn’t be mad at one another.
How hurt I was that I was unable to do what I really wanted for your birthday and how I promised myself that I would make it up to you.
How weird I thought it was that every spare second that you had, you were playing some game or talking on your cell phone. I swear I thought you were addicted to it.
How happy I was that you agreed to come to Switzerland with me and how scared I was that it may be the beginning of the end.
Our first date, the Marché, the pool game from hell and the dorky suggestion that you should come and meet my cat.
How glad I was that you were there with me to support me and comfort me when we took Shadow to the vet for the last time. I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough for that.

In fact, I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough for the joy and love you have brought me this past year.

But you can bet your last dollar that I am going to try…