The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched
– they must be felt with the heart

Helen Keller

January 25. Friday.

I could list the reasons, and in fact I will probably end up doing just that, but first I want to address a concern that I once had, that she also mentioned and that points to my output as a creative being. That question is simply how come I don’t write about her, or write poetry about her or any of the other things I have been known to do in the past. Well, the simple answer is something that sounds a little like an excuse but is in reality the reason for my limited output. Some people are not ideally matched to one another and this creates a lot of room for artistic license and provides an opportunity for a creative individual to fill that void with fantasy and attributes that are really not appropriate to that individual. Certain people make you feel like writing, they inspire you to create things and to pull back into a creative hazw from where, presumably, things look somewhat better. This is not the case with Nicole and I. For the first time I am filled with a desire not to write, but to live. The single reason that I have not put pen to paper until now about how Nicole makes me feel is simply because I would rather be with her physically and mentally than with myself and an overinflated image of her in my head. She doesn’t make me want to create something ethereal and fantastic, she makes me want to live in the present, to ground myself in the reality we have created together. Now I know these things don’t apply to all creative people, but for me, writing prose and poetry are a way of escaping something that is not quite the way I wish it was. Probably the greatest compliment I could give Nicole is not to write about her, preferring to immerse myself in her, instead of searching my mind and heart for a way to describe something for which I was still yearning.
Someone must understand what I mean here…?

That said, there are a myriad of things that I could write about if I could tear myself away from her for a second or two… I just haven’t been able to muster the strength so far…

Everyone has those little things they love about the person they are with including me. I hesitate to think what bizarre things I do that endear me to others if indeed I am looked upon fondly at all. But just for fun, to give another dimension to the tribute, here are some of the quirky things I have come to love so much and the kind of things that you don’t realize you would miss until they are gone.

Why? Because of the way…

She crinkles her eyes up when she smiles really big.
She does handstands in the living room while the windows are open
She has adorable puppy eyes when she is sad
Her eyes cry while she watches TV
She drools on me when we stay up late watching movies and she falls asleep
She kicks a single heel up like a dancer leaving the stage
I can always tell how she is feeling, even though she tries to hide it
She drives me crazy when she stops walking for no reason, especially in the cafeteria
She has this ‘cool face’ that she puts on while she is driving
Her tongue ring clicks against her teeth when she laughs
She bites her nails when she can, she smokes and won’t change for me (I secretly love that)
She loves to coach the kids at gym, even though they drive her insane
She can fall asleep anywhere and it takes a seizemic event to wake her up
She is as curious (read nosey) as I am and keeps me on my toes
She has this sneer that I absolutely hate, but that keeps me wanting to make her smile
She loves kids and dogs and cats as much as I do (that’s quite a feat)
She is the fire to my water and enjoys the conflict of our personalities
I feel when she is not around, knowing that she is coming back soon
It never occurs to me that my home was ever without her
She makes me feel like being myself, not for her, but rather for me
We fit together… like we were made for each other
I believe that nobody else could put up with either of us except us… That’s perfection!