Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’

Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

April 17. Thursday.

I am at the point now of being concerned about repetition, although I don’t suppose it matters since the likelihood of anyone reading more than a handful of pages at a time is remote at best. Since the lay of my life is akin to a rollercoaster ride (as is most people’s I suppose) I often find myself talking about resurgent feelings or capabilities that seem to have been left dormant. It must be a function of the rise and fall of the swell of my existence that causes me not only to experience these times but also to notice them enough to want to talk about them. Today’s thought is that I am getting my old opinionated self back, not in an arrogant egomaniacal way, but rather in an “at least I have an opinion about things” way. This may not be as much a function of my life, but rather as a pleasant side effect of my decision to get back into the habit of writing again. It is monumentally hard to start once you have been stagnant for a while, but if you can bring yourself to write something, anything at all, eventually the rusty wheels will begin to turn again. It is just a case of allowing your ego to get past the vast imperfections of your humble beginnings and to concentrate on the long term rather than the current instant. I have started, albeit in a staggering, drunken and ugly manner, but I now feel the spark of creativity once again warming the tinder of my mind. Pretty soon I will be ranting about drivers using their cellphones, bicycles on the sidewalk and the psychology of tattoos, all of which are topics that at one time or another have placed me neck deep in water much hotter than I would have expected. But that is the beauty of passion, it stirs conviction and conviction is what can put you head to head with someone without fear and without desire for compromise. Of course it is nice to have the ability to meet half way and to see both sides of the argument, but once in a while it is also necessary to be belligerent, to dig in your heels based on belief and principle and to feel the barbs of war that result. I am not a great believer in the subversion of our raw psyche, I do not feel that we should all practice our smooth veneer to the point where we bury who we are and believe our own hype that we are all reasonable intelligent adults who don’t fight, don’t shout and scream, and don’t intentionally do things to make others mad. By the same token, I don’t believe we shouldn’t sing in the shower, dance in line at the bank or laugh out loud in the supermarket because we find an amusing label on a jar of pickles. I think life ought to be a little bit prickly, otherwise we sink into the bland tastelessness of compromise and lose our identities.

So today I will suggest that at some point you go out and enjoy yourself in a very personal and individual way. Turn up the music in the car and sing out loud, smile at your closest strangers, you know the ones, people you see every day but pass by without any acknowledgment. If it makes you feel more powerful, don’t let someone who creeps up the shoulder cut in in front of you in traffic, don’t let the weasels of the world get away with their little victories because personally I just love to teach these little bastards a lesson. But whatever it is that makes you let go of the reigns for a moment, just do it, because today is as good of a time as any, and if you don’t do it now, you may just forget how to do it altogether.