So I have spent a large portion of my spare time of late converting all the old pages from the Online Journal into text that I can paste into here. That is why the long list of dates at the right hand side of your screen has been getting increasingly longer. It does camouflage the fact that I am new to the blog thing, however it also gives me a unique way of searching and editing my old entries. I could not help, of course, noticing things about my growth as a writer and about my transformation as a person since I started this online thing some 8 years ago now.

Point is, I SUCK.

I didn’t used to but nowadays it is just truly pathetic this drivel that I push forth. I am not surprised that my readership disappeared long ago, and in fact I can probably pinpoint the time they did. It was about the time I stopped writing about the world around me and started focussing direclty on myself. It was coincidentally the time I met Nicole, around the time I lost Shadow, my longtime companion and just before the time my back finally put me under the surgeons knife.

Since then, which has been approximately 2 1/2 to 3 years ago now, my writing has been contrived, forced and without any of the passion and humour that used to bleed from it’s ragged edges. It has gone frombeing a 3 dimensional wonderland to being a faded photo of a life once celebrated but long since neglected.

I have written a great deal about my physical pain, and I am certain that a great deal of the changes in my personality have been a direct result of that chronic suffering. However, it is about time that I focus on something else. I recall back in the beginning I used to come up with such positive and hopeful entries filled with motivation and life… I also read some of the quotes I used from back then and some of them made my heart sink. Only for the reason that I realize just how far I have fallen from myself and how sad that must be for the people who have known me and who now have to suffer me rather than share my life with me.

So enough is enough. I am going to try to unleash the devil inside me and once more lift my head, straighten my back and cast my gaze upon the wonders of the world rather than living too tightly inside my own skin.

Oh and one other thing… You can tell I am stretching and failing when each entry ends with a contrived little quip.

So quip this, I am back, baby!