Archive for June, 2007

Stretching Keeps You Pain Free!

crossover-stretch-2006.gif This is one of the best for my back and hips. It does make loud cracking noises in my spine however and you should do it every day… you should do all of them every day really.

seatedspinaltwist.gif Very simple stretch to help loosen up the back and abdominals

knee2cheststretch.gifVery good for tight hamstrings that can cause all kinds of back problems

pretzelstretch.jpgMore advanced for hips, this is actually quite hard if you are male

buttnhipxleggedstretch.gifAnother very good stretch for hips and sciatic problems. You should feel the stretch in the buttock and hip of the leg that is crossed over, in this case the left leg.

lettercstretch.gifVery basic, can be done in conjunction with an arching motion every time you stand up

seatedspinaltwist2.gifA little more difficult for some, and also hard to control but once you can do it, it is very effective.


split-leg-fwd-bend.gifBe careful with this if you have pinched nerves, but the leg in front takes the load off the spine somewhat.

yoga-cat-stretch-1.gifCat stretch, also can be mialternated with seal stretch where from the starting position you drop your hips to the floor and keep your arms straight.

swiss.gif Swiss army knife stretch, very good for hips and back

stand-pelvic-tilt.gif Basic and similar to the front bend, but this is a standing version of the cat stretch / seal stretch.

Natal Curry Contest

Natal curry contest

Please take time to read this excerpt slowly.
If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is!
They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: “Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and so I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in.  I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff?  You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one.  These people are crazy.
Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of chili peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call 911. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner.  Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite.  Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting pissed from all the beer.
Judge #  1 — Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That  200kg woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very  impressive.
Judge # 2 — Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chili peppers make a strong  statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them
Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames.  I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice cream.
Judge # 1 — A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.  (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3.  He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.  Ive lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth.  My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, theyll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing – it’s too painful.  Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Judge # 1 — The perfect ending.  This is a nice blend curry.  Not too bold but spicy enough to  declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced curry.  Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that  most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on  top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 – No Report

Oh God, am I really a Facebooker?

 It’s a curse, and as my workmate says it’s really only so other people in their 30’s can see if you are more or less successful than they are. However, having said that, in short order I have managed to get back in touch with a few of the tiny amount of people I have met inmy lifetime that I actually enjoyed spending time with. I can’t say I am addicted to the site, like some people who apparently spend hours a day on the thing, but it certainly is interesting and I can appreciate the fascination. Of course, this will remain separate from that page, I am not sure I want those facebookers over here poking around, although I am sure it is inevitable some day.

On to other news, the Ottawa Senators lost the Stanley Cup to the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, which really speaks volumes about hockey when a team named after a Disney movie gets to win the cup you really have to stop taking it all seriously. So for all you hockey fans out there, find another sport, you are embarrassing yourselves.

Went to WW as usual last night and for the 12th week in a row I was down. I am now over 20lbs since my highest weight and still going. Hopefully I can accelerate a little and get down to the 240’s in the next 4 weeks. However I am down to the 250’s now for the first time in at least 3 years which is great. I can’t recall what I was before the surgery but I think I was around 255. I went to the gym 3 days last week and will try for the same again this week, of course I still treadmill and weights at home if I can’t go, but there is something about being in a gym that makes you want to work harder.

Consumer Goods Stupidity

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap,”
(and that would be how???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(but, it’s “just” a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.”
(well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought????…)

On packaging for a Rowena iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.”
(but wouldn’t this save me more time)?

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(and…I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(as opposed to…what)?

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.”
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: maybe, ooh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)